First posted: 1st January 2002
Revised: 30th March 2002
Edited by Morgane: 7th April 2002
Re-posted: 18th April 2002

I'll stick to the hiragana-reading of the names and the oriental way of reading 
them
(surname first, then the given name). 

There are some Japanese expressions, I know no translation for. They still ring 
in my ear,
I had to include them:
So desu
So desu ka
Oishii 
and stuff like that. If you have experienced Japan, you know what I mean.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I found her on a night of fire and noise
Wild bells rang in a wild sky
I knew from that moment on
I'd love her till the day that I died
And I kissed away a thousand tears
My lady of the various sorrows
Some begged, some borrowed, some stolen
some kept safe for tomorrow
On an endless night, silver stars spangled
the bells from the chapel went jingle-jangle

words by Nick Cave (Do you love me?) 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


CHAPTER 1: ARRIVAL 

Today is June 26th, the 13th year of the Meiji era. I'm Saitou Tokio and I'm 
thirty years 
old. I'd say it is a wonderful day, sitting in a room opened to a small Japanese 
styled 
garden, in the middle of our house. Hearing our children's play and feeling the 
warm 
summer-sun on my skin. Times haven't always been this peaceful.

I will tell you some episodes of my life and I will start with the day I met 
Saitou 
Hajime. One of many fateful events, but this was the most cutting one. The one, 
that 
changed my further life more than any other day. Looking back, I'd say it was 
destiny, we 
were destined for each other and our meeting was something that could not be 
avoided.

*****

Everything started when I reached Kyoto at late afternoon in May 1867.

'What a beautiful city,' I thought, looking over it from a hill. I dusted of my 
hakama and
kimono [1], arranged my swords and entered the streets of Kyoto. In these days 
of chaos 
and bloodshed I always travelled as a Samurai, it was safer. I preferred being 
killed 
within a fight than being raped and killed afterwards.

The box with my belongings was settled on my back and it was getting heavy. Of 
course, I 
did not own many things, but I carried the box all the way from Osaka and by the 
time the 
weight lasted on my shoulders. I decided to drop it in the house I was told to 
go and stay
for the night. The house was in the Mibu district of Kyoto, I was ordered here 
by the 
family who sheltered me last year, to take part in an arranged marriage 
meeting.[2]

Although I didn't like the idea being married to a foreigner, I agreed and 
joined in. I'm 
afraid my education about obligations, honour and tradition was too strict. To 
be honest,
the thought of stepping out of an arranged marriage never occurred on my mind. 
There would 
be some other women, we would be introduced to the suitor and his "boss" would 
choose the 
woman fitting to him. There was a good chance he would take one of the 
others.[3]

After wandering around and asking some passengers the right way, I reached Mibu 
and 
spotted the house, the Shinsengumi headquarters, which was comfortable and 
large. 
In the basement was a kitchen, a ceremony room, an eating room and a bit 
separated a 
bath-house. In the back was a wonderful Japanese garden with arranged stones and 
water 
floating out of a spring. And a large dojo, of course, being the house of a 
"military" 
organisation. The rooms for the men and their families living here were 
upstairs, 
obviously only some more important members of the organisation were residing 
here. Being a 
visitor, pretending to 'prepare' the room for the woman arriving later, I got a 
guest-room
near the dojo, it was space enough to put down my box and to unfold the futon I 
was given.

I had some time left, the meeting would be in the next morning and I decided to 
have a 
look around Kyoto. The sun was settling down as I wandered through the streets 
again. It 
seemed so peaceful, despite the fact we were in the middle of a revolution, the 
end of the 
Tokugawa era.

Deep in thoughts I walked down an isolated street as I heard a woman's scream. I 

shrieked of my dreams and rushed forward, I had been so absent-minded, that it 
had passed 
my attention that it was already dark.

There they were, two women, threatened by six guys of the Ishinshishi as I could 
tell from
their clothes. The women's kimonos were sliced, two of the men were approaching 
them, the 
other four obviously already had their pleasure.

These bastards! A raping was something I was not able to ignore. I felt my blood 
lust 
building up and drew my katana.

"Fight me!" Taking an offensive stance I challenged them. They turned around 
facing me, 
realised I was serious and rushed forward against me. 

At that point I got pissed off. No honour, all attacking at once, no strategy or 
order in 
their attack, they seemed to be low ranked. I figured out quickly, that they 
were no match
for my sword-fighting skills, there would be no need for my wakizashi, no need 
for a 
special attack. [4]

"Kya!" I took the offensive, leaping over the first one in full speed, kicking 
him my foot
in the face, feeling his face bones cracking. He was prepared to defend my 
katana, not my 
foot. I turned around in midair, raised my sword and slammed it down on the 
second man, 
slaying him from right shoulder to left hip. Blood was spreading. I landed on my 
feet,
challenging the other men.

Seeing my first move, they seemed a bit more aware, realising I was a threat. I 
attacked 
again, moving my katana from bottom to top through the third man, cutting him up 
from 
stomach to throat. I twisted my sword a bit and rushed it down on the forth man 
right 
through the middle of his head, while kicking the fifth in the throat what 
finished him. 
Not completely. I used my katana again. They were too shocked to even defend 
their-selves.

Bad luck that I was around, while they tried to commit a crime (a crime in my 
eyes, of 
course). Blood spilled everywhere now. I lifted my sword and licked away some 
blood, while
staring at the last man standing. His eyes panicked, but not for long, a second 
later I 
decapitated him. 

I cast a glance around for the women, they had disappeared, a wise decision. 
Turning back 
to the limp corpses I told them what I thought about men like them.

"Justice is to slay evil immediately, remember!"
Suddenly I noticed the obvious presence of two more men, I had sensed them 
already before.
They had been there during the fight, but stayed hidden and I had decided to 
ignore them.
I took out a cloth to clean my sword while speaking to them.
"You can come out now!"

They stepped out of the shadows that had hidden them before, allowing me to have 
a closer 
look at them. Light-blue haori with white triangles on the sleeves. 
I recognised them by description: The wolves of Mibu. 

There was rumour nobody could tame one, I was alarmed but showed a cool 
expression to 
them, re-sheathing my swords.

"What an impressive fight, boy." One came a step closer. He was tall, long black 
hair bond
in a high pony-tail. I took a closer look on his face. Small, amber eyes, sharp 
features 
and a deceitful expression around his lips. I bet at that point most people 
would have run
as fast as they could to escape him, but to me he looked damn attractive. His 
fighting
spirit and blood-thirstiness nearly let the air around him explode. [5]

But stop! What did he say? BOY? IMPRESSIVE? A bad joke? I shot a death glare at 
him, 
always aware of hiding my eyes. They would betray me everywhere, being of an 
intense green
colour.

"Don't call me boy again, DOG. And don't try to be funny. That was impressive as 
a cup of 
tea. You are making a fool out of you." 'Was I gone nuts? Tokio, he is 
dangerous!' [6]

His eyes began to gleam in the darkness of the street.

"Insulting a miburo in his district, at night time, slaughtering men. You are 
really 
courageous or stupid to no end, SQUIRREL." He prepared to fight.

'SQUIRREL? What was that for? A second bad joke? Oh, there are two of us, 
remember!' 
I longed for my swords.

"Ma,ma. Calm down." The second man interfered and stepped between us. He was 
smaller, 
brown haired and he had a baby-face for sure. "No need to kill each other here. 
If we 
would have wanted, we had interfered earlier."

The taller man relaxed, baby-face seemed to have a strong influence on him.

"Remember, we are still looking for men like him." Baby-face addressed 
sharp-face and 
sharp-face's will to fight fainted, not completely. He even smiled at me, but I 
still 
remarked a sarcastic expression.

"You are right, Okita-kun. Would you join us with sake and soba, SQUIRREL?"
His smile got wider and my feeling of lust to punch him my fist in his face grew 
stronger. 
I still didn't understand the squirrel-thing and this self-content grin was 
annoying. 
But my need for sake and soba was stronger than my need to fight, besides, it 
would be 
quite interesting with these two. My third thought was, that sharp-face would 
kill me if I
refuse.

I nodded my head, only a little bit, I didn't want to lower myself too much. 
"Yes!" [7]

Sharp-face laughed out loud. "You are a courageous SQUIRREL. Don't try your 
luck." 
I felt anger rising up.

"Ma,ma." Baby-face managed to calm us down again. "Maybe we should introduce 
ourselves. 
This is Saitou Hajime-san, leader of the Shinsengumi squad three, and I am Okita 
Soushi, 
leader of the Shinsengumi squad one." 
Indeed, quite high ranks. I should bow lower. Next time.

"I am Takahashi Toki from Osaka." Using my male name I bowed back.

"What are you doing in Kyoto, Takahashi-kun? You have Samurai swords. Are you a 
ronin?" 
Saitou inquired. He was really insisting and annoying, but he did not ask for my 
travel-
pass or another identification. [8]

"No, I'm not a ronin [9]. I was sent to Kyoto by my father to participate in a 
meeting 
here, which is none of your business." I decided it was wise to give them a bit 
information, but not too much. Hopefully he would not investigate further.

Much to my luck, Okita coughed and distracted Saitou from his investigation by 
this.
"We should look for a place in a pub." Okita suggested, Saitou longed in his 
sleeve, 
revealed a cigarette and lightened it.

"ONE of your bad habits, ne?" I gave it a sarcastic under-tone.

"My habits are none of your business. I really start to like you, SQUIRREL." 
Saitou answered in an icy tone. I felt my jaw dropping to the ground, he can't 
be serious,
he makes jokes about me! IDIOT!

"Let's go." Okita waved Saitou and me indolent to follow him.

The pub was in the same street as the house, at which I was staying, how lucky. 
The place 
was crowded, but with two wolves of Mibu, one looking scaring, we found a free 
recess. To 
be precise, Saitou stared at the men sitting there, just for a second, and they 
left. I 
started to like him, he was not only attractive, but impressive also.

We ordered sake and soba and began to drink, talking about politics, the way of 
a samurai,
bushido [10]. They tried to figure out my attitude, but it was not my intention 
to choose a
side in this revolution. I wanted justice in my way. Kill evil immediately, the 
way of a 
samurai. As long as I could pretend to be male, of course. 

During our discussion Okita started to look worse and began to cough harder, 
some time 
later, he stood up.
"You have to excuse me, I must have a rest, Takahashi-kun. It was a pleasure to 
meet you 
and I hope, we meet again." He nodded, I bowed. "The same to you, Okita-sama."

Alone with Saitou, it started to get interesting. We ordered more sake, and 
despite
the fact the place was crowded, the sake arrived in no time. He was smoking one 
cigarette 
after another during our conversation and he made no effort to stop either 
drinking or 
smoking. I felt the alcohol in my veins and liked him more.[5]

"What about women?" I started to get private.

Taking a deep, voluptuous drag of his cigarette, he gained his bored expression 
"Nothing interesting. Just a short pleasure. They can't even handle a sword." 

You are completely wrong, guy. I raised an eyebrow questioning.

"Go to a brothel, pay money, have your pleasure and leave. Nothing worth a 
second 
thought." He flicked the ash from his cigarette to the floor. 

I had to cough and he turned his attention to me. "I meant the handling of a 
sword, 
excuse me."

"Oh, I see, you are still too young, SQUIRREL!" There he goes again, teasing me. 
"I mean, 
Have you ever seen a woman handling a sword?"

This guy was completely clue-less. Before I could answer, a brawl came up the 
next table. 
One man drew his sword and cut another from shoulder to hip, Saitou took another 

delightful drag of his cigarette. Blood spread over the place, people jumped up, 

screaming, it crowded. He flicked away some ash from his cigarette.

Looking in my cup I saw the clear liquid intermingling with a thicker, red one.
"There is blood in our sake." What mattered, it was still sake, I swallowed it 
with one 
gulp.

"You know," he smiled,"I really like you." raising his cup and drinking his 
bloodied sake 
"Bring a woman inside here and you scare her to death. There is no fun in that. 
They 
can't handle a little bit violence and blood. Too sentimental. And this romance 
stuff, 
boring to death! I prefer being killed by a sword and not by boredom.""

The brawl around us began to settle down, they dragged the dead man out. We 
continued to 
drink, Saitou continued to smoke, of course. I liked him more. When I started to 
imagine 
his hands running across my body and to feel over-sexed, I decided it was time 
to leave 
and raised.[11] 

Oooo, the world was turning, or was I? Saitou stood up in front of me, eyes 
clouded, he 
seemed a bit out of his way. I nearly fell down the step from our recess to the 
ground, but I managed to grab Saitou's kimono and gained control. I stayed 
clinched to 
him, it was safer. He was not turning after all, like the restaurant was. 

"That was more than I can handle." I resumed hardly.

"I was surprised how much you are able to handle, SQUIRREL!"

Huh, he was speaking a bit "unclear", he was obviously drunk, too. He laid an 
arm around
my shoulder, over-sexed as I was, it felt wonderful.

"Where are you staying, SQUIRREL?" 

'IDIOT! What's that squirrel-shit about? Attractive or not, I can take of 
myself!'

"Just down the street. Can manage alone."

"Oh, you don't look so."

I had to sneak in. With him around, I had no chance to do so. For a second I 
considered to
knock him out. To stay realistic, I had no chance to succeed. In this condition, 
no 
chance. I stiffened, stood upright, determined. Still wondering why everything 
turned and
doubled. Analysis. Advanced stadium of alcohol consume. VERY BAD. I started to 
walk in one
direction.

"Wait, squirrel-boy. I have the same way." He caught up uncoordinated.
I let myself drop against his chest, relieved I had a fixed point in the turning 
world, 
not bothering anymore about the squirrel and boy.

"I think I can give you some guidance", I offered him.

"You are welcome." He smirked recognising my offer for what it was, a lie, and 
laid an arm
around me. We walked down the street arm in arm, better: he dragged me down the 
street 
till he stopped in front of an house.

"Here's my place." Could it be? It was the house I was staying at! My eyes 
nearly bulged 
of their sockets. 
'Tokio, you are an idiot sometimes. You should have realised earlier.'

"Oooo, mine is only a few steps away. I can walk alone." I forced him to enter 
the house, 
by pushing him in the direction, he looked weird back at me. 

"Really?"

"Yes!" I was lucky, that he was too drunk for a discussion, I had trouble 
forming a clear
thought. The alcohol, I can tell you!

"So desu ka? I hope we meet again." 'Huh, that is for sure, Saitou.' 

"Have a nice sleep, Saitou-sama."

I bowed and was relieved when he finally entered and closed the door. Before I 
sneaked in,
I waited for few minutes to be sure not to run into Saitou.

It was a miracle I wasn't discovered, drunk as I was. Seeing my futon, I happily 
dropped
everything including myself and fell asleep. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not a history freak and I know the manga and the TV-series. 
So, don't complain about OOC or wrong history. I think it was still a time 
Samurais killed
people without reason, something people were used to.[10] 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes:
I don't mind when you want to use parts of my notes, but it would be nice to ask 
me FIRST
and not when I read them somewhere =^^=. Mostly these are my own notes, not 
copied 
somewhere. The knowledge I gathered is a mixture from:

1. Books, I will give the reference, but it won't help you because most is in 
German:
a) the manga 'Blade of the Immortal' by Samura Hiroaki, you are given a lot of 
background-
information there
b) 'Japan: Kulturen erleben', Polyglott-Verlag, Serie 'Land & Leute' ISBN 
3-493-60583-8
nicht wirklich zu empfehlen, es gibt besseres, ich habe trotzdem ein wenig 
lernen können
c) 'Kulturschock: Japan', Reise Know-How Verlag, ISBN 3-89416-055-1
Mir gefällt der Stil des Buches nicht besonders (mich stören die 
'Reiseimpressionen' eines
Paares), aber ansonsten das beste, kompakte Buch auf dem Markt =^^=
d) 'Japan', Polyglott-Verlag, Serie 'Apa Guide', ISBN 3-8268-2382-6, viele 
schöne bunte 
Bilder, Impressionen. Komischerweise hatte ich nicht das Gefühl so gut über den 
kulturellen Hintergrund informiert zu werden wie im 'Kulturschock'
e) 'Tokyo', lonely planet, ISBN 1-74059-059-7, www.lonelyplanet.com
f) 'Kyoto', lonely planet, ISBN 1-74059-060-0

2. Internet, especially about the historical Saitou Hajime:
http://committed.to/shinsengumi
http://victorian.fortunecity.com/stanford/130/bio.html
http://www.miburo.com/info/index.html
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/5770/shinhis.htm
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/4081/file104.html

As Watsuki wrote, I would also not recommend to have a look at Saitou's 
picture.=^^=

3. My notes from my studies about Japanese background/culture at University.

4. My poor own experiences in this odd country.

[1]
About Japanese clothes:
The kimono worn in today's Japan is the one from the end of the Tokugawa-era. If 
you want 
to dress alone in a woman's kimono with an obi, you have to be very skilled and 
still need
one or two hours.

Men's kimono:
The woollen men's kimono is dressed quite easily. It is of a dark, firm 
material, men use 
a small, hand's breadth obi, the knot or bow is on the back (have a look at 
Shinomori 
Aoshi in volume 28 where he and Misao 'meet' the 'ghosts' of the Oniwabanshu). 
If you are on the street, you wear a 'over-jacket', called 'haori' over the 
kimono.

Men's formal kimono:
Over the kimono you dress with a hakama (with fine strips) and a longer 
'over-jacket'
(mon-tsuki), it is altogether more elegant. On the mon-tsuki you find the three 
family-'coat of arms' (mon). You wear white socks (tabi) and elegant sandals 
(zori).

mmm, walking the first time in Japanese sandals (hehehe: inside an old 
ninja-hideout in 
the mountains).. Mara fell on the floor much to the amusement of her friends.

Women's kimono:
You find more variations here: The length of the sleeves indicates if a woman is 
married 
for example, the sleeves of unmarried women's kimonos are longer. The colour 
indicates the
age, the colours are subdued for older women (dark-green or dark-blue as I have 
it here is
quite unusual for such a young woman). 
For a complete kimono you need a 'under-dress' (naga-juban) and the actual 
kimono is hold
together with the obi. There is only one size for kimono, you have to adopt the 
length
by folding under the obi. Under the obi you bound a shawl to support it. Around 
the
obi you bound a cord (obi-ji-me) which ties it. The colour of the cord indicates 
the
occasion on which the kimono is worn (red = happy, grey/black = sad, white = 
normal)

Woman's formal kimono(names refer to the outer 'layer'):
furi-sode: long sleeves (tamoto), for just 'grown-up' women, unmarried
tome-sode: black, short sleeves, for married women
homon-gi: for formal visits
mofuko: all black, funeral service
tsuke-sage: for parties, tea-ceremonies, uniform colour
ko-mon: 'every-day' use, with small pattern
uchi-kake: bridal-kimono, usually red or white, you wear two more layers 
(kake-shita)
yukata: woollen kimono you wear at home, summer-vacation, ryukan, sleeping

Usually kimonos are folded and stored in chest of drawers, only uchi-kake are 
placed over 
a rack. 

[2]
YES, she travels as a Samurai here, kind of a disguise, not THAT unusual as some 
of you 
think.

To the arranged marriage:
First: I stick a little bit to history.
Second: It is Saitou we are talking about. 
I chose an arranged marriage, because I simply can't imagine him getting 
heart-eyed at a 
woman he meets on the streets. Furthermore I am the author and I don't believe 
in love at 
first sight. That is for romantic personalities, not for me. 
But, hey, I'm Mara, I believe in attraction at first sight, which is something 
completely 
different. I hope you experienced this already. And, well, attraction alone is 
not a good 
basis for a relationship.


[3]
You don't expect me to explain arranged marriages here, do you? 
This was common in Japan and is still today. Even some of my friends met their 
wives this 
way, but 'love-marriages' became more popular the last years.
The 'real' Saitou Hajime's marriage was arranged by the Daimyo and his wife 
Tokio Takagi 
was the daughter of a successful merchant/official (I found different sources) 
from Edo. 
It was very common that Samurai married the daughter of a merchant, advantages 
for both 
sides, I guess. The higher social status of the Samurai in exchange to the money 
from the 
merchants. 
The arranged marriages are one reason for the famous and large red light 
districts, 
I guess. The 'kanai' (meaning: woman in the house, different from okasan) was 
responsible for the household, children and stuff like this, she was not 
supposed to be 
very amusing. In most times they did not have a close emotional relationship to 
their 
husbands and did not care when they visited some prostitutes. I don't expect you 
to 
understand this, but well, be a bit realistic about love and romance.

[4]
You think, Japanese women did not learn a fighting skills in the Edo-period? 
Well, one look in a book about Japan could help you. Archery was and is very 
popular among 
Japanese women, even at that time.
'Naginata-jutsu': Naginata is in principle a halberd, developed during the 
Momoyama-period as a weapon, used to defend one's house. On ancient pictures you 
can see
women in a kimono defending Edo-jo with these weapons.

[5]
GEEZ, people! This is ATTRACTION, NOT love! She IS NOT falling for him here.

[6]
Well, yes she is a bit imprudent and hotheaded.

[7]
The bowing is dependent from the 'rank'. Bowing only a little bit, as Tokio does 
here, is 
not very polite and wise, nearly a provocation considering the men she is 
facing.
About the bowing and nodding: 
Grown up in a western civilisation, I feel always uncomfortable in Japanese 
meetings. I'm 
always afraid to do something stupid. But hey, I'm a foreigner. They forgive me 
almost 
everything. 
The bowing is, of course, dependent from the importance. Same as here in good, 
old western
tradition. I know one Japanese professor, you feel soooo unworthy in his 
company, he only 
closes his eyes a bit, instead of bowing. It gives me the creeps! I am so 
unworthy!

[8]
Of course, Samurai working for the Daimyo in Aizu had every right to stop 
persons 
they did not know on the street and ask for an identification.
If there was any doubt, they would have killed you BEFORE you were able to 
submit
your pass/identification. At times like these you always had to carry an 
identification 
with you, it was safer for yourself =^^=.

At that time Japan was divided in feudal domains (han) and travelling around was 

restricted (you might have learned that from Takagi Megumi). There were 
checkpoints 
(sekisho, Edo-han) on the roads run by a certain class of Samurai (banshi). 
At these checkpoints, travellers had to submit a travel-pass (tegata, a woodden 
pass) 
to be allowed to leave the domain and enter the next one. The privilege of 
controlling/running/manning a sekisho was often passed down from father to son, 
these 
families were loyal to the shogun and the banshi especially were really pretty 
sharp. 
I think if you run such a control point you develop a 'sixth sense' for who is 
lying and 
who is telling the truth. However, if you get caught trying to pass the 
checkpoints 
without permission, it is the death-sentence, meaning execution without an 
exception. Of 
course, there were always ways to pass these points: with the right connections, 
enough 
money, being more sharp than the banshi... but it was a high risk, I think.

People trying to change the domain had to be really desperate in my opinion. 
Otherwise 
you would not risk your life on such an attempt. AND: of course getting a 
travel-pass for 
women of the Samurai-class were even tougher. I have no exact idea why, I could 
imagine 
that they did not like the idea of their women travelling around.

[9]
A ronin is a 'wandering' Samurai, a Samurai without a 'master' he serves.
There is an interesting story about 47 ronin..NO, not here. 

[10]
Believe it or not: Samurai were allowed to slay people of lower classes for
minor reasons and nobody would bother about it (no wonder there was the 
Bakumatsu)
About bushi-do:
'Bushi' means 'samurai'/'warrior', '-do' means 'way, road' 
Plainly translated: The way of a samurai
I'll explain it more detailed in one of the following chapters, enough 
information in this 
one. =^^=

oh: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SAMURAI AND KENSHI!!! Kenshin is a kenshi, his 
parents 
were peasants!!! (I'm sick of reading stories were Kenshin is a Samurai)


[11]
GEEZ, people! This is ATTRACTION, NOT love! She IS NOT falling for him here.
AND: SHE IS DRUNK! THE SAME GOES FOR SAITOU!