Standard disclaimers:
I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki and some big name companies do.

Author's comments to reviews:

I don't care about correct history in this chapter, I know it is wrong and I 
don't want to
be flamed for that! Please keep comments about that down! I like the 
Ishinshishi, really, 
this is a concession to the story-line and the character-development, again: I 
DON'T CARE!
FICTION! I'm convinced that the wives of the Shinsengumi lived outside Kyoto 
with their 
children exactly for the reason I describe here, this story only works with 
these 
concessions.

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I'll be your loverman! Till the bitter end
While empires burn down, forever and ever
and ever and ever Amen, I'm your loverman
So help me, baby, So help me
Cause I am what I am what I am what I am
I'm your loverman

words by Nick Cave ('loverman')

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CHAPTER13: BATTLEFIELDS 2


When I re-gained consciousness I was lying on a futon in our room, by the 
incident 
sunbeams I could tell that it was late in the afternoon. I was alone, beside me 
was a tray
with tea, soup and some rice on it, I tried to sit up, but the pain in the lower 
part of 
my body forced me down while closing my eyes. 

I heard the shouji opening, someone approached and sat down beside me, by the 
smell I 
could tell it was Hajime, no chance for him to get rid of this cigarette smell. 
He laid a 
hand behind my back, helped me up and tried to give me some tea. Forcing myself 
to open my
eyes and smile consumed a lot of my energy but I was rewarded with a smile on 
his face.

"You look horrible, Tokio." That was exactly the greeting I had expected, he 
must have 
realised that I was too weak to answer, but now I grinned.

"You lost a huge amount of blood, you will have to stay in bed for a while to 
recover." 
I nodded in response to indicate that I was understanding him. 

"The girls will look after you the next time."
He would leave? That shocked me, he must have seen it and continued 
"I'll come back. Just relax and re-gain strength."

"Thank you." I finally managed to answer and let myself fall back into the 
relaxing, 
comforting rest of sleep.

The sunbeams of a late afternoon fell into the room when I woke up the second 
time, this 
time the two girls were around. How long had I been lying here? I took the 
chance and 
addressed the two, I felt surprisingly refreshed and sat up.
"How long have I been sleeping?"

They looked astonished at me, I caught them by surprise with my sudden 
movements, I didn't
felt the pain in the lower part of my body anymore, it had vanished
"Nearly one week."

"One week?" I nearly fell over backwards, I missed one week? Why was I feeling 
so strong, 
fit, despite missing food and drinking for almost one week? They must have taken 
good care
of me.

"Yes, you lost a huge amount of blood, therefore you needed the rest."

Remembrances from my first come round came to my mind, Hajime telling me that he 
had to 
leave. "Where is my husband?" 

They looked rather sheepish, I got suspicious, something was wrong.

"What about the baby?"

"You should rest." This diversionary manoeuvre was too obvious, they were hiding 

something, I knew I lost it.

"WHAT ABOUT THE BABY, TELL ME!" Threatening by yelling at them would work, they 
were too 
innocent and inexperienced to handle me and my violent temper.

"We are awfully sorry, you lost it." As I already expected, this was hard, but 
it would 
not kill me. The time between realising that I had been pregnant and losing the 
baby had 
been too short to be upset now, in addition to that I had Yoshinori in back-mind 
the whole
time. It wasn't a great loss, I would have another child with time, which led me 
to the 
next question.

"Where is Hajime?" 

They evaded my eyes, "Saitou-sama will be back soon, there is no need to be 
worried."

Terrible bad liars, not able to mask their emotions, evading my eyes told me 
enough. Was 
everything all right with him? Was he still alive? Where had he gone to? Did he 
leave me? 
Surely not. No need to be worried? If it was necessary to mention it, then there 
was a 
reason to be concerned.
"If there is no need to be worried, you can tell me where he is!"

Evading my eyes again, they would try to lie this time, for sure
"He is patrolling, he will be back soon." I felt anger rising, who do they 
thought I was? 
An idiot? I wanted to see him, speak to him, NOW.

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS!" My aggressiveness threatened them, intimidated them, they 
hadn't 
seen this side of me before, they stepped back, frightened enough to tell me 
what I wanted
to know.

"There is some trouble with the Ishinshishi, they all left to fight them."
Trouble with the Ishinshishi? Hajime left to fight them? This was dangerous! Was 
he still 
alive? I would have to go and find out.

"WHERE ARE THEY FIGHTING? BE A BIT MORE INFORMATIVE!"

They exchanged glances, they must have been ordered not to tell me, but I was 
threatening 
enough that they gave me the information I wanted to have.
"As we know in the eastern part of Kyoto."

I jumped up, driven by my worries and sorrows and started to dress while they 
watched me. 
One girl approached me reaching out one arm, trying to force me back onto the 
futon, this 
wouldn't work with me.

"You should stay in bed, Saitou-san, you are too weak, you lost too much blood."

"NO!" I yelled at her, she retreated as quickly as she was able to do. Hajime 
was the last
person alive in this world important for me. It was then, I realised how much I 
loved him,
how dependent of him I was.

My fears, my sorrows pushed me even more now, I finished dressing while the 
girls 
continued watching me with wide-opened eyes, they were scared by me.

I set off for eastern Kyoto, I knew when I reached the fighting area, I smelled 
the blood 
and saw the first corpses lying around. This was a massacre, the blood was 
standing in the
streets, it began to flow down to the lower parts of it were it gathered in a 
growing 
pool. I had never seen so many dead corpses lying around before. Was Hajime 
among them?

I started to examine the Shinsengumi who looked like him, one had the right 
stature, but 
he hold his sword in the wrong hand, the right one, not worth a closer 
examination.

This one had the fitting figure and the right hair, I turned him on his back, I 
had to 
clean his face with the sleeve of my kimono, he was not recognisable with the 
already 
viscous, sticky blood on it, it was enough left of the face to tell it was not 
Hajime.

I continued scanning the area, luckily not many of the Shinsengumi had his 
height.

There was a head, who was he? I picked it up by its pony-tail, inspected it, it 
turned 
around its axis hanging in the air freely. The wrong eyes. Carelessly dropping 
it back to 
the ground.

Perhaps he was only wounded, still able to answer? I started to yell.

"Hajime?"

No answer, maybe this was the wrong area? I continued to walk around, my sandals 
were 
soaked with blood, every-time I lifted one feet and sat it back into the pools 
of blood 
they smacker-ed, the sandals sticked to the socks on my feet by the half-dried, 
coagulated
blood.

There was one, it could be Hajime, not enough left of the face to tell who he 
was. But if 
only one week past, then Hajime would still have the wounds from Yoshinoris 
kunai and 
shuriken, I nervously opened the kimono, no wound on the right shoulder, relief.

I reached the next street, yelling again

"Hajime!" The corpses in this street were either Ishinshishi or had the wrong 
stature, 
Hajime wasn't among them.

"Hajime!"

"You are waking the dead and attracting more attention than necessary, Tokio."
My heart nearly stopped beating hearing his voice, where was he? 

I scanned the surroundings, there he came around the next corner, obviously not 
very 
pleased to see me here, coldly addressing me as he stood in front of me
"What are you doing here? You are supposed to stay in bed."

I was relieved that he was alive to such an extent that his behaviour didn't put 
me off, I
moved closer, embraced him and looked up into his face
"I wanted to see you."

He wasn't returning the hug, I didn't mind, I just wanted to be close to him, 
feel that 
his body was warm, living, his heart beating and his breathing.
"You should stay in bed."

He really was stubborn, I wasn't able to tolerate loosing the baby and him.
"I couldn't. I wanted to know if you are still alive."

He narrowed his eyes, he didn't like the idea of me running around and being in 
danger.
"You are not safe here."
I knew that, he didn't need to tell me, was this his only concern? Did he really 
care for 
ME?

"You heard what happened with the baby?"

NOW he looked down on me with concern in his eyes and laid his arms around me
"Yes."

"It was my fault."

"There is a real chance for us to have another child, Tokio." NOW he smiled down 
at me. 

"Thank you, Hajime." I snuggled closer, I always felt very secure around him.

"Let's go home." He started to leave, I followed him as close as possible.

"Hajime?" He turned a bit around, waiting for me to continue "You lost this 
fight with the
Ishinshishi, or not?"

"You are right, we lost." A thoughtful expression appeared on his features, we 
both knew 
that serious changes would come, the last hope was Tokugawa with his army.

"But it is worth continuing to fight."

A smirk spread over his face
"You are right, Tokio. Come on, let's go home."

As we stood in front of the house we both instantly knew that something was 
wrong, it was 
suspicious quietly. Hajime indicated me to stay behind him while he drew his 
sword and 
cautiously entered the building.

Directly behind the entrance one of the girls was lying. She had a dagger 
between her 
eyes, they were staring into distance, empty, lost. I wouldn't hear her silly 
comments and
laughter anymore.Some steps away was the second girl, she was cut through the 
throat, her 
eyes were closed.

Remembering them admiring my hairpin, tasting my crepes, laughing with them, 
cheering me 
up. Innocent. They had been innocent, not any longer. The cruelty of reality had 
reached 
them before they died. Even I threatened them in their last hours, they hadn't 
been 
important for me, they were just two girls, who had been around and had been 
useful. But I
had been nasty to them in their last hours and I was not able to make up for it.

On the way upstairs the first child was lying, the abdomen was cut up, the usual 
bad smell
of opened intestines was in the air, some blue-bottles buzzed around, some had 
already 
settled down. It must have happened a while ago.

Hajime slide the door to the first room open and blocked the entrance. I jumped 
up to cast
a short glance into the room, but he closed the door determined before I was 
able to have 
a look around and he turned to me seriously
"Please go downstairs and wait for me. I'm sure they won't come back."

He re-sheathed his sword, the assassins wouldn't come back, their job was done. 
I have 
never seen him this serious before and decided it would be wise to do what he 
wanted, I 
didn't want to see a sight that he considered not to be meant for me.

While I headed towards the steps, he addressed me again "Tokio?" I turned, 
looking 
questioningly at him, he reached out one arm to indicate me to come back to him. 
As I was 
in his range he pulled me close
"It was a good idea to look for me. I'll catch our things, please wait."

I nodded against his chest, inhaling his scent deeply before I walked downstairs 
and 
waited for him, it didn't take him long, we owned only a few things besides the 
weapons 
and my books.

He came down the steps, the box with our belongings settled on his back, in his 
one hand 
he had clean clothes for me. I knew what he planned to do, we would go to 
another house in
different district where we would met Hijikata, Kondou and the other remaining 
members of 
the Shinsen-gumi.

I changed in the fresh clothes, it were Soushi's, and picked up some fresh 
sandals at the 
entrance, mine were soaked with blood. The owner wouldn't mind anymore, she was 
dead.

Why was Hajime still around? Why didn't he drop me like a hot potato? I was 
nothing but 
trouble for him, not following his orders, yelling at him, opposing him, 
fighting him. 
Most times for fun, I admit.

"Hajime" he turned looking questioningly at me "You really didn't leave me as 
you promised
after Soushi's death."

"There was no reason."

He turned back, leaving me dump-folded behind. There was no reason to leave me? 
My parents
were dead because of me, he had nothing but trouble with me during a time he had 
more 
important things to concentrate on than to take care of a wife and endure her 
unstable 
moods. The trouble he had because of me with Yoshinori, the injuries he got 
because of me,
the times I hurt him emotionally, because of me we lost our first baby. The only 

interesting thing might be the bed-time-events, I thought. Obviously I was 
wrong. He 
actually liked me the way I was, there was more behind it than pure attraction.

"What are you waiting for, Tokio?"

I jumped forward onto his hips, the box on his back was in my way, I didn't 
care.
"Hajime, there is no chance you'll ever get rid of me."

By a look in his face I saw a painful expression and suddenly remembered the 
kunai that 
had hit him exactly on the spot I was sitting on.

"I'm afraid so, yes. Get down, I can't carry you AND the box."

Before climbing down I placed a kiss on his cheek 
"I admit, you are right. The box is too heavy."
A huge smile appeared on his face looking down on me AFTER I was back on the 
ground and 
had left his wounded side.

"Come on, let's go."

We set off for the northern part of Kyoto to meet the others. 
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Ahrg! English is killing me, next time I write in German!! I always know which
time and vocabulary I have to choose! Sorry again to all native speakers!
I apologise again!!

Ja ne,

Mara