First posted: 3rd January 2002 Revised: 30th March 2002 Edited by Morgane: 7th April 2002 Re-posted: 19th April 2002 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- L is for LOVE, baby O is for ONLY you that I do V is for loving VIRTUALLY everything that you are E is for loving almost EVERYTHING that you do R is for RAPE me M is for MURDER me A is for ANSWERING all of my prayers N is for KNOWING your lover-man's going to be the answer to all of yours words by Nick Cave (lover-man) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER2: MEETING AND DECISION The next morning I woke up with a terrible headache. Today was the marriage meeting I was asked to come for to Kyoto. I supposed my duties would never end, family honour. I called for help and two girls appeared, bowing their heads deep. "You asked for us?" "Please help me dressing, arranging my hair and doing my make-up." The girls seemed to be nice. We giggled a lot while they helped me into the formal kimono I owned, simple dark green with golden blending and a yellow obi. They admired the expensive silk, it was REALLY expensive. It took me one month terrorising my parents persuading them that a dark green colour is suitable for a young woman's kimono. Huh, my head ached. There was something important happening yesterday evening. Blackout. I was not able to recall the evening. We needed some time to arrange my hair and to white my face. I finished with red colour on my lips and black around my eyes. I hated this formal things, I still do! Of course, I liked to wear a kimono. I was sure to be admired and I loved that, but I hated this hair-arrangements and make-up stuff. In addition to this annoying dressing, I had a hangover. And a blackout. The last thing I recalled was the turning world as I stood up from the recess in the pub. Suddenly the sliding door opened without an announcement, the marriage broker standing in it. "Come, they are waiting. They are important people, so hurry up." I took a last glance in the mirror, I had problems recognising myself with this tons of make-up. All I knew about this, was that the Shinsengumi looked for a woman to marry one of their leaders. Something like a "birthday present" from the boss. The samurai family close to my father thought it was a good opportunity for me. Being only half Japanese and no relatives left, I thought they were right. My father had been a member of an important family. But marrying a French woman was something his family couldn't accept, the country was still closed to foreigners and he was dishonoured. I was lucky that a friend of him cared for me, after my parents were slaughtered. I registered that I stood in front of the ceremony room by now. Ooo, my hangover. 'They have a lot of influence, so be cheerful, Tokio.' I reminded myself, put on a small smile and entered, head bowed. Common Japanese stone-face, revealing no emotion to the men inside the room. "This is Kobayashi Tokio." The marriage broker announced. I felt everyone glancing at me. "You are allowed to step closer and sit down here." I came closer with very small steps and sat down with the most elegance I was able to master. I kept my eyes still locked to the ground and felt two familiar kis. Could it be? Oh my god! I had short pieces of memories from yesterday evening. "She is 17 years now. Grown up in Osaka and well educated. She can read and write. She is the outcome of a marriage between a samurai of the Kobayashi-family in Osaka and a French merchantīs daughter." The broker 'praised' me to the men. Embarrassing! I decided, that this was my last duty to my father's friend and the so-called 'honour' of our family. "Besides" I could almost see his wide grin, "She is still a virgin. She will cost some more than the others." 'Embarrassing indeed! But quite interesting! My education and my virginity costs more? How will they figure out?' "And look at her. She is a beauty, you have to admit! Because of her mother, she has green eyes. Striking exquisite." "Raise your head." One of the Shinsengumi demanded. Oh, my god, I didn't want to. But I lifed my head and looked directly in Okita's face. HEART-ATTACK! I had seen this coming since I had noticed the kis. No chance of escaping. I had promised, I would join. The broker was sitting on the left side of the table, Okita opposite from me. Saitou and someone I did not know sat on the right side. They seemed to be fascinated by my eyes, Saitou's small eyes narrowed suspiciously. Did he recognise me? The light in the pub had been very dim and I had paid attention to hide my eyes. I was sure Okita had no idea, he had left too early. "How much more?" The one I did not know spoke again. Yen signs appeared in the eyes of the broker, Okita stared at me. Did he recognise me? Saitou regained his bored expression and lightened a cigarette. Aa, I thought I smelled the smoke. Damn hangover! "Five hundred more." 'Ooo, this is really shaming!' They all bowed their heads a bit. "You will have a lot more fun with this one, she is worth the money. She is so exquisite exotic!" He tried to push them with a dirty grin "And she is still untouched!" casting a lascious glance at me he finished. 'Bastard! This is DEFINITELY my last meeting for a marriage.' But his words worked. They seemed to be pleased. Clapping his hands the unknown Shinsengumi stood up "I will decide this afternoon which one we take. The ceremony and celebration will be in one week. We have to rush a bit, I apologise." They intended to leave, ignoring me kneeling on the floor. Stop! This was embarrassing enough for me. I might be a woman, what did not mean much in these times, I had to admit. But I hated to be ignored and sold like a cow. "I'm sorry. Wait, please!" I said, they all stared at me, I lowered my eyes and stared on the floor. "I want to know who you are and who the candidate is, please." I bowed deep, my forehead on the ground, the broker seemed shocked I could feel it. He obviously thought he had lost the money, because of my rude behaviour. But the one Shinsengumi I did not know, calmed him. "I understand." Lifting my head I waited for his introduction. I would have never admit it, but I hoped it would be Saitou. "This", he pointed to Saitou "is Saitou Hajime-san, leader of the Shinsengumi squad three." Respectfully we both bowed. "This is Okita Soushi-san, leader of the Shinsengumi squad one. We are looking for a wife for him." Okita bowed, not aware of the fact that he had introduced himself to me yesterday. "I am Kondou Isami, the head of the organisation." I bowed deeper to him, nearly kissing the floor. So it was Okita. They had enough money, they would probably pay the 500 yen more. THIS WAS NOT MY DAY. Virgin and well educated this might be important to them. I turned my face to Saitou. He leaned at the entrance, taking a deep drag from his cigarette negligent, he seemed not to be interested in the stuff going on around him. Did he recognise me? Okita did not, that was sure. "Thank you very much." I bowed deeply again and left the room in the most polite and graceful way I was able to perform, passing Saitou. What a mess! It would be wise to stay in the house till evening. My first expedition through Kyoto yesterday had almost caused a heart-attack today. I was smart, I knew that, but I wanted to meet a certain swords-smith. Someone back in Osaka told me he made and sold the best swords in Japan. I have never been able to control and deny my passions. As smart as I was, I was not able to resist the call. I bond my hair in a high pony-tail, it was raven black and very long, it was one of the things I was proud of. I washed away the rice-powder in my face and dressed in my hakama and kimono again, arranged the swords. I did not want to try my luck more than necessary and maybe run into one of the Shinsengumi, I sneaked out. I needed some time to figure out where the swords-smith was, but finally I found him. He exhibited some knifes at the street, I tested one, it was excellent. The best work I have ever seen, if I had money, I'd love to buy one. "The best knives and swords in town, Takahashi-kun." Someone spoke to me from behind. I shrieked and let the knife drop. Saitou. Did he follow me? Did he know? Turning around, facing him once more, aware of hiding my eyes I smiled at him. "Aa, it's you again! The tamed dog. Good morning" I prayed he would not recognise me. "Nice knife." He inspected the one I had dropped. What, no BOY or SQUIRREL? "Yes, indeed", I knew that! I had to leave quickly otherwise he might find out who I really was "Would you please excuse me? I'm in a hurry, I promised to be back soon." To be precise, I just wanted to escape him. I was nuts to sneak outside only to see the swords-smith. What a risk! "Wait" he hold me back with one hand on my shoulder "Join us this evening with sake and soba?" "I'm afraid I have to refuse. Duties." My god, please! "Yes, I see, maybe next time." "Bye." Why did he want me to join? On the way back, I checked from time to time if someone was following, there was no one. I managed to sneak in and changed in a woman's kimono. I owned only a few things beside my clothing. The swords of my father and a small, silver butterfly hairpin from my mother, made in France. And some books, of course. I loved reading, it was relaxing and different from fighting. Feeling comfortable I settled down with a book, started reading, than I heard the broker approaching, clapping his hands. "Yes!" He entered, interested glancing at the book in my hands. "They want to have a second meeting. Informal, this evening." Informal? Without traditional hair-arrangements and face-powder? This evening? No way. They would recognise me. "I can't agree." Without batting an eyelid he accepted my answer, obviously this was not the first time he had to deal with a woman like me. "You have to. You promised, you can't dishonour your family by stepping out now." He was really afraid of losing the money, but he was right. I promised. I bowed in agreement. I knew when I had to admit defeat. *** Not very much later I stood in front of the sliding door clapping in my hands. This was it. Execution. When hearing the permission to enter I did, with trembling hands. Only Kondou was kneeling in the room. Relief. After I settled down facing him, we stayed quiet for some time. "Could you hand me some tea?" he finally spoke. Aa, there we go! Wanted to test my preparing and serving qualities. Due to my education it was no problem, the tea had already been prepared, I only had to serve it. I actually loved tea ceremonies. The s ilence and peace was pure meditation. "You understand", he sipped his tea. "I want to be sure, before spending so much money." "I understand." I whispered, I really did. But I was not prepared for the following conversation. "Why did you consent to this marriage?" He wanted to know, watching me furtively. "Because of my parents." He remained silent, he wanted to hear more. "They were killed one year ago. A friend of my father took care of me. Three months ago he told me about this and that he wanted me to take part." "Why did you agree?" He inquired. Silly, honestly I did not had a chance to say no, he knew that. "Duty. Honour." He raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think that the reason for a marriage should be love?" Did I have to answer? "No. This is an arrangement. Both sides know that." Honestly I replied. We sat facing each other, stone-faced for some minutes. I decided it was the right time to sip at the tea. "You will have to give up sword-fighting, you know." Shocked I spat the tea back in the cup. He caught me off guard. This was the real reason for the conversation and I was a fool enough to assume different. No chance of denying. I had already revealed too much of my emotion in front of him, Kondou was not stupid. Did Okita and Saitou recognise me? "How did you know?" "I knew your father. He was a very traditional and honourable man. He made one mistake: He fell in love with your mother and married her. Definitely a mistake. It cost their lives. I won't say it was a mistake to teach you using the swords, but he risked a lot by that. Training a daughter, a female." "He wanted that I can protect myself. He knew, I will always have problems, because of my origins." I felt the need to defend my father's decisions. Kondou sipped at his tea. "I always respected your father." He hesitated, sipping again "Because of that, I can't agree with the marriage." I was shocked to the bones "Why not?" "I realise, by knowing your father and mother, you have their spirit. You have too much passion and obsession lying inside. Maybe you think you can go through, but believe me: You can't. You are cold-blooded when it comes to killing, but you are not cold-blooded about love. Okita-san is not the right man for you. You would leave him. I'm sure, you know that. You can't refuse and step back, so I have to do that." He was really sharp. I started to like him. "But,.." I began, but he waved his hand indicating me to stay quiet. "Marry Saitou-kun instead." My cup fell to the ground, Kondou was more sharper than assumed. I would find out later that he was a genius and VERY good-hearted man. I have never met someone like him in my whole life again. "But,.." "It would be the best decision, Tokio. Your spirits and your believes are the same." He smirked, "I'm afraid your passions and obsessions also." "Does he know?" "Yes, I talked with him short before you came." "What did he say?" "He consented. In one week. Will you approve also?" I felt the world fainting and gave my agreement. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Author's notes: I have no idea about money and the value of it in good, old Japan! And I want to mention, that most Japanese men are really rude when drunk. Believe me! (I know the wrong persons, I know.) Ja ne, Mara