To this chapter:

The easy construction of sentences is used to indicate that you read her 
thoughts 'real time', it is supposed to give you an impression like being in 
her brain.

I paid attention not to mix times, I hope I did it correctly (I have no idea).



UNREQUITED LOVE 1.VERSION

I'm looking down at the dagger in my hand, feeling the cold sensation of a 
winters day on my skin, the sun sets early at this time of year, it is 
already dark outside.

Yoichi is dead. When I finally had the chance of visiting him, he had 
already died. Died on a disease, no doctor had been able to help him. 

WHY? He was my reason to stay alive, the light in my darkness.

I had to marry another man.

I didn't want to, but I had no alternative, my parents had chosen the 
suitable husband for me.

I had no chance to refuse the marriage with Saitou Hajime. 

Living for the short moments I could cast a quick glance at Yoichi, on 
the streets of Tokyo, speaking to him, even a few words lightened my day.

Does Hajime know that I don't love him? I do everything for him, I try
to be a loving, caring, understanding wife, is that enough for him?
I think so.

Giving him three sons, raising them, educating them, each of them old enough 
now to live on his own. 

Hajime is proud of his sons, they have his 'warrior's spirit'. 

But they all mean nothing to me in return, the only person I really cared for 
was dead.

I always wished it would be HIS sons, I always dreamed to be hold by HIM 
while pretending different. Smiling warm and loving while thinking of HIM.

Is there something worth living for?

Every time Hajime leaves for one of his duties, leaving me behind, I'm 
relieved deep down. I paid attention not to show him.

Is it enough for him to own me? Does he care about my emotions? 

I think he does. But I am not able to reciprocate his feelings.

Has he ever seen my real emotions? Does it hurt him?

Yoichi, I love you, only you.

Raising the dagger to my throat.

"Tokio? I'm home."

Is there something worth living for? Not any longer. Concentrating.

Stabbing the dagger into my carotid artery.

Hearing the sliding door opening behind me.

"Tokio!"

I close my eyes. This pleasant feeling of relief, feeling my life 
leaving me. I won't have to pretend any longer to be someone I wasn't. 
Pretend emotions I simply don't have. 

There is no chance to live one's life again. Did I do the wrong thing?

"Tokio!" He takes me in his arms, I drop the dagger, feeling blood running 
down my neck, falling to the ground.

"Tokio, stay with me." He holds me with one arm, trying to stop 
the flow of blood out of the wound with his other hand. I sense his 
desperation, it was too late to keep me alive. Death comes.

I feel a hand on my cheek and open my eyes, staring directly in his 
features. He has regret in his eyes, looking unbelieving into my face, 
trying to spot my real emotions.

"Tokio," He caresses my cheek "Why did you do this?"

"It is too late, Hajime." I close my eyes again, comforting darkness 
around me.

Yoichi, I've waited so long for you, why? Why did I deny my love for 
you till you were dead? I had more than thirty years to tell you.

"Tokio, I love you."

Too late.

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Stabbing the dagger into the carotid artery is the kind of suicide a wife of a
samurai chose, after her husband had to commit suicide.